I'm not really sure how this happened. One minute, I'm all, "Well, if you really need somebody, I suppose . . . as long as Bob isn't in it . . . maybe . . . but I don't know . . ." And the next minute everyone's all, "Welcome to the league!"
And now I am the lone female owner in Troy's fantasy football league.
I'm not clueless when it comes to football. I've diligently watched the Vikings blow leads for several years now. I've cheered for Troy's fantasy teams. I've watched ESPN. Heck, I even watched part of the draft.
I used to pretend to play along. It was like fantasy fantasy football. Because that's just how non-committal I can be (just ask Troy about being engaged to be engaged). I'd look through everyone's lineups and pick a team for the week. Some weeks, I tried to stack my team with all the superstars (going by the scientific premise that if I had heard the guy's name, then he was probably pretty good). Then the next week, I'd pick based on who had the coolest names. It didn't really matter, because I still usually lost. Or fake lost, since I wasn't really playing.
When it came time to pick my real fantasy team, I was really nervous. I didn't do any prep work ahead of the draft. I trusted the cheat sheets that Troy printed out for me online, and I depended on Troy's advice as we went through the draft.
I had fourth overall pick. My choice came down to Joseph Addai or Tom Brady. I actually stewed over this for awhile. Addai was ranked higher on my cheat sheet than Brady, but not by a whole lot. Troy assured me Brady would not be a stupid pick. Then I thought about all those touchdown passes to Randy Moss last season, and I figured I'd really kick myself if I passed on Brady.
Plus, Brady is kind of cute. (There, I admit it. I picked him because I think he's cute. That's not the only reason, but it was a factor. If he were ugly, I might have gone with Addai.)
So, I went with Brady. I imagine at that moment, all the way in New England, Brady felt a strange, sharp pain in his knee and a horrible sense of foreboding.
You're welcome, Joseph Addai.
Because it only took 16 minutes for Brady's season to come to an abrupt end. And it's all my fault.
I swear, next year, if I'm crazy enough to do this again, I'm going to pick an all-a$$hole team. All the jerkfaces that I hate. Terrell Owens. Chad
Johnson Ocho Cinco. Michael Vick, if any team takes him after he's out of prison. Then I won't be disappointed when they're lost for the season.
The only way I could feel better about this situation would be if Addai goes down too. Is that horrible of me or what?
I did end up winning my first-ever real fantasy game. (Thank God we use team quarterbacks, so even after Brady went out, his back-up still earned me some points.) But the rest of the season is looking dismal.
Not that that's going to stop me from blogging about it.