I went back to work today. It was an exhausting day. I held myself together until the end of the last class of the day, then the tears started flowing.
At home, I retreated to my bed and slept for several hours. I had basically decided that I just wouldn't ever get out of bed again when Eliza came up to wake me up. She wanted me to help her find a computer game. I had to get up.
I started getting out of bed, then suddenly collapsed again. The bed covers felt so soft and cool that once again I was contemplating how I could live out the rest of my life from that spot.
"What's wrong, Mommy?" Eliza asked.
"Oh, honey. Sometimes it's just really hard to get out of bed."
She contemplated that for a few seconds, and then very seriously said, "Well, you can start by just lifting your head up."
You're right, sweetie. I know I just need to keep lifting my head up, and eventually it will get easier to get out of bed.
That's my plan for tomorrow morning. I'll start by lifting my head up, and see how it goes from there.